liberation 2021

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When I wrote last year about the meaning of Brittney Liberation Day and how it started, the reports of a concerning new virus was something I was keeping mental tabs on. The first cases had appeared in Washington state the week before, and there was some worry about if and when it might appear here in Oregon. It was hard to gauge how worried to be about it, but I had a nagging sense that there was reason for concern and I started making preparations, sure that I was overreacting all the while. Things moved quickly in the weeks following, and a month a half after I wrote that post, we started marking time as “before” and “after”.

Which is all to say that just like everything else in our lives and world now, it’s a very different Brittney Liberation Day this year. I’m foregoing my annual driveabout to the coast. The job lost this last year wasn’t mine but my husband’s, a sad casualty to the pandemic. The health concern this last year wasn’t cancer but a deviously devastating virus that we’ve rearranged our entire lives around in order to keep from catching. The plans I had for expanding Wishmoon Studio when I wrote last year’s post vanished with the start of coronatimes, and its first anniversary was a virtual celebration by necessity.

It might seem like this year’s anniversary doesn’t have a lot of liberation to celebrate. But as I take this day for reflection on where I’ve been and where I’m going in this journey of building a creative, contentment-filled life, I see so much how what happened in 2017 prepared me for 2020 in ways I could never have anticipated. In that year, I learned how quickly and drastically life can change, how to absorb life-changing losses and build something better in their place, how to strip down to only the most important priorities, how to find peace in the present.

I’ve leaned on every one of those lessons this last year, knowing escaping this year’s challenges unscathed would be impossible. But knowing, too, that it is possible to find peace in being present, to remain stable while also remaining open to the experience of what comes, good and bad and everything in between. My practice of being present has deepened, my ability to step outside my anxiety has strengthened, and my reflex for finding equilibrium through what sustains me has become more instinctual. It's the culmination and result of years of growth and examination and the heart deep work of changing internally what doesn't serve me well or serve me any longer.

My liberation this year came in developing my ability to separate my well-being from my circumstance, and to maintain one while still experiencing the other. It meant contentment even amidst worries for the unknown, resilience despite adversity, and hope in the face of deeply valid reasons to fear the very worst. It was like taking that life-changing breath all over again.

Instead of marking this little holiday of mine by making my pilgrimage to the places I seek ancient tree wisdom and ocean medicine, this year I chose to create my memory of them as witnesses of this liberation journey of mine. They’re in my blood, I know them by heart.

B Hall